From Maryam Khattab

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Dear Messenger of God,

I want to tell you about how I look around me and I see lovers, and I am so relieved to see them, they have brought me good news, they have changed everything. But I also want to tell you that I still feel so far. Someone special once said that it was always as though there was a thread that existed between you and her and you were pulling her along the whole time. I can see how you’re pulling me … but inside of me is an impatience, and a restlessness. Sometimes the lovers are so young, sometimes I see children and teenagers whose hearts are full of love for you and I grieve my loss, I grieve over lost time that could have been spent with you. While knowing that if anything it is that kind of grief, a hint, a glimpse of longing, that is guiding me along …

I want to tell you ya Rasul Allah that for the first time this year I can imagine talking to you, or writing to you, and going on and on about my worries and concerns and even telling you that I feel so far and how sorry I am. But for the first time this year I can almost see the warmth of your smile in response, I can almost feel the heaviness lifting …

I want to tell you that I am grateful for your ongoing presence in my life. I am grateful to have been taught that your presence is ongoing, that your soul is alive, that you are with us through everything. That our connection to you is beyond the limits of time and space, that our physical separation from you is there only for us to make gold out of in our hearts …

There is no need to feel so far.

I want to be able to come out of myself, to really be able to focus on you, to uncover that unwavering connection, to live truly in your light and all that you are calling me to. You are holding that thread that ties us together – please keep pulling me along …  

Sincerely,

Maryam

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