From Mbarak Bujra

Dear Messenger of God,

Dear Messenger of My Lord,

Dearest Muhammad ﷺ‬ ,

Asalam aleikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh.

May Allah, the One and Only, nourish your soul and His connection to you, and nourish our souls and our connection to You and Him.

I’m writing to you on this cold winter night to attempt to be real for even just a moment. I’m writing to you right now to attempt to re-ignite a flame that has gone low out of neglect.

Please excuse these words, and the many thoughts that have thankfully not been written down, I have grown used to negativity and putting myself down and “living” too much in my head. It’s become a comfort zone, a familiar crutch. But that’s not the point. Allow me to dig deeper.

Do you remember that time, O it was so long ago. It’s hard to describe it. It was but a moment. This I’m sure of. I’m sure of it because I remember lamenting that it was much too short! You appeared to me, as if you came to me and as if you were always there at the same time. You said nothing and yet I could hear words, or rather I could hear meaning. I remember that I could hear you saying my name. What was clear is that you were smiling.

*That* smile.

I woke up confused. “Could it be?” I thought to myself; “Was it really?” I had so many questions and hopes. I remember feeling *Alive*. Alive yes; me, the one that sleeps too much. I felt full of life. At the same time as all of these questions and hopes were racing through me, one thing was perfectly clear. Loud and clear. I knew exactly what I had to do at this moment:

*Pray*.

Over time this memory has become clearer. Funny isn’t it? a memory becoming clearer? As I’ve gotten to know you that memory has become clearer. It’s as if that moment is alive and as my connection to you grows so does that moment. Or, rather, my part of that moment. My part of that moment is growing as my relationship with you grows. For your part, you seemed to know me very well. You seemed to know our whole story together long before I live my part of it. You are clearly more alive than I can understand.

Sometimes, I want to rip myself apart because I want to be so much more for you. Other times, I feel like a mad-man, wanting to laugh and cry and pull my hair and dance on one foot and it takes everything in me to keep appropriate decorum. How is it that I’m allowed to live these moments with you? It just doesn’t make sense. You have so much, and you give so much, all of it. So much love. Love isn’t a high enough word but what else can I call it? It is Divine. And you choose to send it to me?

Glimpses are all I get. The ones you have sent to me are but glimpses of who you are. Yet, these glimpses are marvelous. I used to ask, wondering who it was that woke me: “Was it you My Teacher? Or was it you His Teacher? Or was it you Teacher of all Teachers ﷺ‬?” Today I know the answer is Yes. Yes. Yes.

Those teachers that you sent to us are a reflection of your light. Had they not reached us in the deep dark caves we’ve fallen into, twisting themselves to reach us as you’ve done for them, we would not know that there is a Bright Shining Sun like you ﷺ‬ in whose light we can grow.

I ask that you please pray for our teachers, pray for us to be much more for them. Pray for our parents and our loved ones. Please keep caring for us, smiling at us.

When I think that you yourself are but a glimpse of The One that sent you, and a proof of His love to us, there is nothing left to say but

**SubhanAllah. Alhamdulillah. Allah Akbar**

*Ash-hadu a-la ilaha ila Allah, wa Ash-hadu annaka Rasulullah*

There is no God but God, and you are His messenger.

Yours truly,

Mbarak Abdalla Bujra

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