From Kayria

As salamu alaikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh ya Habibi ya Rasoul Ullah,
How are you?
To hear your response to that question would satisfy my every need and desire. Your voice, the perfect combination of warmth, sweetness and nourishment, would signal to my heart and soul letting them know that all will be ok indefinitely.
Except why have I muted you within me? You are the Rahma that was sent from God. You are the saving grace of every obstacle and difficulty. This I believe is true. So why have I muted you within me? Why can’t I hear your response? Have I died whilst living? Is the beating heart within me just a facade if I’ve cut off the oxygen supply to my soul?
Your love is a living miracle. How else could I still feel the depth of your love despite the fact that I’m constantly setting you aside and prioritizing all that is trivial.
My love for you is not something I really ever sought. In fact it is something I found deep within me. Like a well of the most sweetest and nourishing drink. Every time my heart communicates with you and asks its Lord to shower you with His infinite Love and Light it feels as if a pail is drawn up from the well within serving my heart the nectar of your love. Clearly my love for you is sourced from your love for me. For how else could I have known to love you. Yet why have I muted you with in? How is it that I still don’t hear your response to my question: how are you?
Ya Rasoul Ullah there are many many souls whose love for you is more pure, more real, more selfless, more consistent, more deep, more generous, more beautiful, more eloquent, more similar to your love for them than mine. I don’t know how I will ever catch up to them. Yet I still find myself dreaming and hopeful that I will somehow be allowed the honour of being your neighbour in paradise. I still dream about holding your hand as we enter paradise together. I still dream about walking through paradise with you admiring the beauty of paradise through the reflection in your eyes. For what could be more heavenly than to look into your eyes.
I’ve lost hope in myself to be able to love you in the way you deserve. I ask Allah swt for the best version of myself to be unlocked so that I can truly love you.
Desperately trying to love you more,
Kayria

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s