It is 22nd January 2019 now. It has been 1,387 years after you were gone. Too many things happened, too many history events have been skewed. Humanity is robbed by the need to survive, so we care less and less to mother nature and even to our own spirituality. Religion is being mocked, tolerance is being confused with polytheism, supremacists reign king and Islam is being sold by fashionistas, jihadist & entertainers.
Hijab is no longer our tawhid manifestation towards The One. Now, it is billion dollar worth of commercial items traded in the name of religion, but little it does to represent high adab and show how good Islam is. In some countries, hijab is patriarchy force in pushing the limit of men power control on women & in others, hijab is a sign of oppression when actually it liberates us from malign standard of physical forms. Why am I telling you all this about hijab? Just imagine, ya Rasulullah, if one component of Islam has been in gruelling fitna of the world, what about the other elements?
When I was a kid, my parents planted a seed in me, nurturing me to be a muslimah. One of their advice, “You are a Muslim first. Do go and break the glass ceiling of how they perceive a Muslim woman should be.” After 30 years, I am completely burn-out. I do not have the strength & courage of your beloved saidatina Khadijah RA, neither I have sabr & loyalty as your daughter saidatina Fatima RA or the grit & resilience of saidatina Sumayyah RA.
In order for me to shatter the standard of the world perspective, I have actually injected and transfused my birth core foundation with the extreme feminist value of what women should be in western world point-of-view, to be more like Gerturde Bell, Margaret Thatcher and Hillary Clinton. I took in what was perceived as what a woman should be in this 21st century. The lies bred in me so deep, I became lunatic for nearly a decade. The world made a monstress out of me…
Why we have to do all this, ya Rasulullah? Why? Do they give us contentment, bliss & peace of mind? No. This isn’t Islam, or even humane.
After reading and studying hundreds of books, after months of soul rihla, alhamdulillah I am good again. Now I am in mission to educate and assist sisters and kids. Now I am in mission to show that it is alright to be a woman who only want to nurture because we lack of love and compassion.
May I live as the meaning of my name given by my parents. May we one day meet ya Rasulullah SAW because I miss you and Khadijah RA very much, though I know I will be looking at you from far, far away as how can a pair of sinned eyes, gaze at a beauty of Allah’s best creation…
Atiqah Nik Ghazali